Orginally posted on Nov 14, 2008
AT TIMES I JUST DONT KNOW, MY LIFE CHANGES IN SO FAST I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I PRAY BUT I KNOW I DONT PRAY ENOUGH. THE DEVIL FOUND ME AGAIN AND I COULDNT FIND A PRAYER IN ME TO EASE MY SOUL. I GREW UP CATHOLIC SO I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING BUT ONLY DEVILISH THOUGHTS AROSE FROM MY MIND. DEATH , MISERY AND DISASTER.
I TRY TO BE A GOOD PERSON BUT I DONT TRY HARD ENOUGH, I BLAME MY MOTHER FOR OVER MOTHERING AND I BLAME MY FATHER FOR NOT FATHERING, I BLAME MYSELF FOR ALL THE PAIN AND DRAMA IVE BROUGHT UPON MYSELF AND THE ONES WHO LOVE ME.
I BITCH- I MOAN- I FIGHT AND I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL. I SEE MY NIECE AND SHES JUST LIKE ME. RUNNING AWAY WHEN U CANT GET UR WAY. BEING SO SELFISH AND SPOILED THAT WHEN U HAVE FAMILY WHO IS WILLING TO BE THERE WITH OPEN ARMS YOU DONT TAKE IT YOU RUN AWAY AND THEY BECOME THE ENEMY.
WHEN THE ENEMY IS YOU.
I SEE MYSELF THROUGH THE EYES OF MANY PEOPLE AND THEN I SEE MYSELF THROUGH MY EYES, AND ITS A DISTORTED IMAGE.
I KNOW I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF THAT I' VE HAD AN EATING DISORDER FOR 12 YEARS. I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF FOR MY RELATIONSHIP FAILURES, I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF FOR MY LACK OF FAITH, I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF FOR MY DIS BELEIF IN g.o.d. I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF WHY ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO LOVE, I CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT MYSELF WHY ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO LET GO AND HARD FOR ME TO LET ANYONE IN IF I THINK THEIR A THREAT.
I WEAR THE FACE OF A CLOWN, I AM PERFECT W/ OUT FLAWS, EVENTHOUGH I CARRY MANY. I HIDE MYSELF BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYONE KNOWING THE REAL ME. IM BEAUTIFUL BUT A DISASTER IN SO MANY WAYS.
I DESIRE TO BE MARRIED AND I DESIRE A FAMILY WITH A COTTAGE HOUSE ON A FARM WITH HORSES, COWS, CHICKENS... THE WHOLE NINE. BUT I HAVENT FOUND ANYONE WORTH MY TIME. I KNOW MY STANDARDS ARE SET HIGH, AS THEY SHOULD BE. BUT I DONT THINK I HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR MY HUSBAND TO ARRIVE. I'LL BE 30 IN A MINUTE AND IM SINGLE. HOW GREAT IS THAT ?
YEA LAUGH ALREADY, I KNOW ITS ME. I DONT WANT ANYONE CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH. I TALK A GOOD GAME BUT DO I REALLY WANT YOU NEAR ME? FOR ME TO BECOME VUNERABLE TO WHERE I CANT THINK? NO. BECAUSE YOU KNOW AND I KNOW, YOU WONT BE THERE TOMORROW.
YEA IM A GANSTA BUT...... I CRY. IM A BABY AND YOU KNOW IT. IM NOT USED TO NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT. EVERYONE KNOWS, IF I WANT SOMETHING I ALWAYS FIND AWAY TO GET IT.
THATS WHY I DONT GET IN SITUATIONS WHERE I'D END UP CRYING. I HATE TO CRY I HATE THE FEELING OF "NEEDING" AND NOT GETTING. WHEN I CRY I NEED, I WANT, AND I REALIZE REALITY THAT I CANT HAVE. SO I DONT GET CLOSE.
I WANT TO BE CLOSE I MISS THE LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP OF A RELATIONSHIP. I MISS WAKING UP IN THE MORNING TO A KISS, A WARM EMBRACE, OR A SLAP ON THE ASS. WHEN IT HAPPENS I WONT LET GO. MY OPTIONS ARE OPEN AND IM NO LONGER LOOKING
YOU SEE ME YOU HEAR ME AND YOU FEEL ME. YOU CANT WANT ME YOU CANT NEED ME AND YOU CANT HAVE ME.
IM TAKEN.....BY ME!
THE DEVIL HAS RETURNED...
Orginally posted
DEATH IS AROUND THE CORNER
EVERYTIME MY LIFE MAKE UNEXPECTED TURNS HE'S ALWAYS THERE TO WATCH ME BURN. HE POURS THE LIGHTER FLUID AND I STRIKE THE MATCH.
MY MIND CAN ONLY GO SO FAR
THEY SAY YOU MUST HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND BELIEVE HE'LL PULL YOU THROUGH THE BURNING BUSH
BUT NOT ME!
EVERYTIME I TRY TO PRAY THE DEVIL GETS IN THE WAY
HE BECOMES LOUDER AND LOUDER SO ALL I HEAR IS HIM
I CANT EVEN HEAR MY HEART BEAT WHEN HE SPEAKS. HE HAS FILLED MY MIND WITH UNGODLY SIGHTS AND THOUGHTS OF DEATH BEFORE ME I CANNOT IGNORE THEE
THE DEVIL IS IN CONTROL AGAIN
PRAYER DOES NOT ENTER MY MIND ONLY BLOOD AND MISERY
AS I SAT IN THAT SELL ALONE W/ MY THOUGHTS I PLAY THE SENARIO OVER AND OVER IN MY MIND WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT? YOUR RIGHT. WALK AWAY. BUT THE DEVIL HAD ME THEN
ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS RAGE, POWER, AND CONTROL
I SAW NOTHING BUT RED THEN MY HEAD BEGAN TO HURT WHERE THE HORNS PUSHED THROUGH MY SKULL & MY SKIN BEGAN TO CHANGE LIKE I WAS THE HULK 3 BUT IT WAS ME
THE DEVIL LIVES INSIDE ME...
DEMONS SURROUNDS MY ETURNAL SOUL I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE I INFLICT PAIN ON MYSELF TO KILL THAT PART OF ME THAT NO ONE SEES BUT ME
THEY DONT THINK HES REAL BUT IM HERE TO LET YOU KNOW WE SHARE THE SAME SKIN, THE SAME BLOOD AND THE SAME MIND AND EVEN THE BLACK HEART. HE LIVES DEEP DOWN INSIDE MY SOUL IM LIKE THE ANTI CHRIST I MAY NEED AN EXSERSIOM TO GET RID OF HIM. NO MATTER WHAT I DO HE ALWAYS FOLLOWS ME EVER SINCE I WAS 13, THEN 17, NOW AT 23 HE'S STILL TRYING TO KILL ME.
THE DEVIL IS GONE.....
Orginally posted Aug 24, 2007
I couldn't help it
i was blind and i couldn't see
he made me do things that wasn't me
it was the devil but now he's gone,
the power of ife brought me back &
kept me strong,
stronger than i've ever known to be
the devil has finally left me
Only the devil will do things that will hurt the ones u love,
keep the belif that there is a rainbow after each storm ;)
THE DEVIL HAS RETURNED...
Orginally posted
EVERYTIME MY LIFE MAKE UNEXPECTED TURNS HE'S ALWAYS THERE TO WATCH ME BURN. HE POURS THE LIGHTER FLUID AND I STRIKE THE MATCH.
MY MIND CAN ONLY GO SO FAR
THEY SAY YOU MUST HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND BELIEVE HE'LL PULL YOU THROUGH THE BURNING BUSH
BUT NOT ME!
EVERYTIME I TRY TO PRAY THE DEVIL GETS IN THE WAY
HE BECOMES LOUDER AND LOUDER SO ALL I HEAR IS HIM
I CANT EVEN HEAR MY HEART BEAT WHEN HE SPEAKS. HE HAS FILLED MY MIND WITH UNGODLY SIGHTS AND THOUGHTS OF DEATH BEFORE ME I CANNOT IGNORE THEE
THE DEVIL IS IN CONTROL AGAIN
PRAYER DOES NOT ENTER MY MIND ONLY BLOOD AND MISERY
AS I SAT IN THAT SELL ALONE W/ MY THOUGHTS I PLAY THE SENARIO OVER AND OVER IN MY MIND WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT? YOUR RIGHT. WALK AWAY. BUT THE DEVIL HAD ME THEN
ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS RAGE, POWER, AND CONTROL
I SAW NOTHING BUT RED THEN MY HEAD BEGAN TO HURT WHERE THE HORNS PUSHED THROUGH MY SKULL & MY SKIN BEGAN TO CHANGE LIKE I WAS THE HULK 3 BUT IT WAS ME
THE DEVIL LIVES INSIDE ME...
DEMONS SURROUNDS MY ETURNAL SOUL I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE I INFLICT PAIN ON MYSELF TO KILL THAT PART OF ME THAT NO ONE SEES BUT ME
THEY DONT THINK HES REAL BUT IM HERE TO LET YOU KNOW WE SHARE THE SAME SKIN, THE SAME BLOOD AND THE SAME MIND AND EVEN THE BLACK HEART. HE LIVES DEEP DOWN INSIDE MY SOUL IM LIKE THE ANTI CHRIST I MAY NEED AN EXSERSIOM TO GET RID OF HIM. NO MATTER WHAT I DO HE ALWAYS FOLLOWS ME EVER SINCE I WAS 13, THEN 17, NOW AT 23 HE'S STILL TRYING TO KILL ME.
THE DEVIL IS GONE.....
Orginally posted Aug 24, 2007
i was blind and i couldn't see
he made me do things that wasn't me
it was the devil but now he's gone,
the power of ife brought me back &
kept me strong,
stronger than i've ever known to be
the devil has finally left me
Only the devil will do things that will hurt the ones u love,
keep the belif that there is a rainbow after each storm ;)
