Your thoughts on having a Midwife/Doula??

My husband and I or maybe just I have decided to have our child at home.
When our son was born we lives in a small community population black- Me.
I loved it there, my doctor whom was also black woman was nice as can be. the urses and staff even our neighbors loved us. We we treated so kind there. Now that were back in the city I see the change an d I hate the doctors and nurses when I have decided to have the baby. At first I thioght that they were racist but I knew that couldn't be it because my sister raved how she loved this doctor she referred me to. I am having the worse time there. My husband feels it too. Now that i know its not the race thing its more that its the mixed thing. One nus=rse have biracial childreen on her desk but is such a cunt to me. I have realized its because my white boy is here w/ me married me and comes to every appt. when her black man won't or didn't. Don't blame me lady blame your sorry ass man.

Anyway, I decided this after watching a doumentary on netflix, "The business of being born"
It changed my mind in such a wonderful way i started crying. I am so happy w/ this baby I want to be happy the entire experience. When I was pregnant w/ Steven I was more hormonal and PPD. I couldn't let my self be happy. Eventhough the hubby and I tried everything what i feel now i never felt being pregnant w/ him. I want to have this child at home w/ just us. I want him involved because he didnt cut the embillical cord nor was offered. I want the same people around while i'm gowing though the entire expreienbce there or around when my child enters the world. I hated that shift changes and the nurse that helped deliver my son was off and wasnt able to bathe him when i saw her trying to but nurse whose shift was here took over comletely.

When we both look back we want something completely different. We are more inlove now than even and bring our son or daughter in this world is more special that one could imagine. I want to hold my child and not be told after we do this, I want my husband & I to really experience birth. And the love that brough her into the world.

After a long hiatius I'm Back!!

Since my last post many thing have changed in our lives.
March 29 we found out...

We're Pregnant!

12.5 wk ultrasound

17 weeks  6/20

I wasn't sure if I wanted to be happy or mad. I wanted our next baby to be planned and in about year four. Since we both decided no more kids after steven was born, a few months ago we came to the agreement that we were going to consider the thought of welcoming a new child into our lives. I want my girl dammit!

Anyway, in my heart I knew we would welcome another child. Eventually, so
Steven has a buddy and someone who looks like him.
 If your kids look like mineWhy not?

The day we found out we were pregnant I was having some serious stomach issues tthe entire day. I couldn't hold anything down. I had plans on seeing my mother in-law, cousin and aunt were in town. I was so not the host i intended to be. I ended up in bed the whole day with severe cramps, I was schduled have an upper GI scan the next day so we figured it was just that. I've been having stomach problems since my son was born.

That night the pain was so imberable i couldn't sleep and nothing would stay down. Around 1am my husband was awakened agian w/ me huging the porcelin thrown, with the temp of 102. We then decided to go to the ER, where we learned were expecting. It kind of took us by surprise because i was still waiting on my March period, which normally falls at the end of the month and lingures to the next. Only this one would never arrive. I guess you can say its a good thing. We're happier with ourselves and eachother. Were laughing more and arguing less. Were enjoying eachother once agin when we dated so long ago. Sometimes I feel like we missed som dates and a honeymoon, but in due time we'll have our romance back again.

Our adoppted nephew moved out so, we decided to turn his room into "our room" Our little taste of paradise where there is a lock on the door & a sign that reads; "No one under 21 beyond this point".

I have always wanted a stripper pole *wink-wink*.

Anyway, getting back into writing and working. My hours have changes and my days have all become so blended. As I stated before the day I went to the ER and found out about baby I had was visiting the royal thrown the entire day, this lasted my entire first trimester. Around the 15th -16th week I finally began to feel okay. This pregnancy is completely differernt from Steve. i have Morning sickness daily on the hour, headaches, nausea, smells etc. I really couldn't hold anything down the first four weeks. I went from staying up all night writing to sleeping at night and beinmg up in the mornings, where I could never find the time to complete what I wrote because I am on mommy duties. right now hopefully I complete this steven and daddy are both beside me sleeping babygirl is watching TV amd mommy has been trying to post this for the last five weeks.

I try to write at stevens nap time but my body is so exaushed I either nap w/ him or clean and put clothes away. Post a few things to Ebay, yard sale some stuff we just got a new work van so i can do my mom 2 mom sales w/ o the hubby. I am just now getting back to getting my life and body on a schdule that we all can live with. Me staying up until 6am was a agrument w/ my husband because he was in bed and i wasnt, A few things have been solved, because i needed to get steven on a normal life schdule. Sleep at night and up in the morning. My mornings used to begin at noon when i stayed up all night. Once I started sleeping they began at 5am, walk with hubby b4 he left for wk, yoga b4 baby awakes, baby's up, then breakfast. Now being pregnant i'm up at 7 or 8 and same as above i still try to get my 3 walks in a day, I no longer walk w/ daddy but i walk w/ baby when he wakes up or sometimes pop him in his stroller if im up and wanna walk. This pregnancy I want to stay fit as possible. I still practice yoga, now i do yoga mama for pregnant bellies. Steven in normally up by 8:30-9:00. So I only have a small window for mommy time, i hope it gets better as the months progress.

Anyway, I hope this caugfht many of you up with my hiatus, I think i'm back for now. I have so many things to catch you up with and updated pictures of how Steven has grown. Toi I havn't forgotten about you nor how we rock, I think i'm ready to complete it now, I found my closing. And I can honestly say you hepled me truly ROCK!